Love Actually

Starring Bill Nighy, Colin Firth, Hugh Grant - fuck it there’s too many to mention

Reviewed by Rabid Dog

Fuck me!! what a fucked up predictable film this filthy dog is!!

Basically this film is about a bunch of twats that fall in love with the right/wrong people. It’s set a month before Xmas and has loads of little fucking stories about all their relationships.

Let’s start with the cast. Bill "I’m a cockney cunt" Nighty, he plays and old fucked up drug snorting rock star who releases a version of love is all around called xmas is all around, anyway him and his fat Rab-C-Nesbit manager love each other but don’t realise this till near the end of the film... fucking poofs.

Next up is Hugh "oh great, lovely, spiffing" Grant who plays the prime minister who falls in love with some biscuit lady played by former Eastenders slag Martine "I really am a fat cunt, but think I’m fit" McCutcheon, guess what? they fall for each other near the end of the film!....

Next up we've got gravel faced, gravel voiced smug twat Alan Rickman who's married to equally horrid looking Emma Thompson in the film, basically he wants to shag some bird in his company, Mrs finds out, cries, he says sorry and then!... you guessed they fall back in love at the end of the fucking film! bit of a pattern here isn't there?

Next up we've got Colin "I think I’m a better actor than anyone else on the bastard planet" Firth, who plays the exact same role as he does in all his fucking films, just watch Bridget slag Jones diary to get my meaning, anyway he fucks off to France cause his Mrs is shagging his brother and falls in love with foreign bird.... guess what happens!!!... they get together at the end of the film!!! REALLY!!!???? to be fair you'd smash her to bits in the bedroom, but she might split into two pieces she’s that fucking thin!!

Next up is Horse faced, I’m and anorexic slag Kiera Knightly... fuck it I really cant be arsed anymore, all the stories end the fucking same, even some little kid gets his end away with some yanky slag at the end of the film.

To sum up, its the type of shit your ho of a girlfriend will love and cry at blah blah any real man who sees this film will just want to kick all the casts head in and take a blow torch and a pair of pliers to Hugh Grant and Colin Firth for a nice torture session.

Just one last note, the character I hate most is "Marc" played by Andrew Lincoln, why you may ask??? Cause he thinks he's fucking Justin Timberlake with his stringy shitty hair, people may remember him from the "hit" BBC 2 series a few years back called "this Life" he played the character "egg" oh yeah and he's a first class cunt!... What a bad egg indeed!