AWOL

Starring Jean Claude Van Damme

Reviewed by Rabid Dog

Let me start by saying this film is the fucking business!! it stars that cunt Jean-Claude-Van Damme.

The film is basically about a lowly French twat called Leon, hes in the foreign legion for a million years for some reason or another, anyway his brother is into some heavy drug shit and owes some dealers a load of cash, so they burn the cunt up big time.

Leon (van-damme) gets a letter from burnt up cunts slut of a wife saying he has to come home to America and see his brother before he dies blah blah and to see her and his young niece, Leon then breaks out of the foreign legion by twatting a load of guys and escaping on a boat to yanky land, he thinks the boat is going to LA but instead it takes him to new york so he twats the boats captain and swims to shore.....

Leon is skint and needs some cash, so 2 seconds after arriving on the shore of new york he spies an illegal underground fight, he fancies himself and so has a brawl with an unfortunate black man who he twats. Anyway the man promoting this illegal fight is called Joshua, he looks like a fucking paedophile and is always eating the dirty fucking tramp! so Leon or as Joshua names him lionheart (cunt!!) starts his adventure of illegal fighting with his manager Joshua in tow!

This is where he meats illegal fight queen and Joshua's ex promoter - Cynthia (a blond slag with big tits that to be fair you would fuck the shit out of) anyway, she wants to see lionheart fight, so hes pitted against one of her top fighters called Sonny! hence comes the famous line in the film... just before lionheart fights him, sonny says "your kinda pretty, i dont know if I wanna fight you... or FUCK YOU!!) which whips up the crowd into a furious frenzy, the two fighters are told the rules!! "there are no rules".

Swiftly moving on, lionheart fights a load of cunts and wins, makes his way to LA to dick his dead brothers wife and give her a load of money while some legionnaires chase him giving him a kicking occasionally while hes on the run, what a sick cunt lionheart is.... i mean dicking your dead brothers wife?? he has no shame and she a right ugly cunt with a dirty minge thats for sure!

The final scenes involve a massive fight with a guy who kills people called Autila, hes big and fat with big hairy lamb chop sideburns and i kick his head in before putting him away with a glass ashtray. the fight is held in a circus tent and is full of millionaire twats going fafafaaaaaaa and the legionnaires who after the fight is lion wins are going to take him back to serve hard time blah blah. Fight happens, lion gets twatted, then finds out his partner Joshua has put a load of there money on the other guy to win, so he shouts "wrong bet" and then twats the guy and everyone lives happily ever after and the legionnaires let lion heart go cause they take pity on the French twat... fools!!! so he runs up the street straight into the arms of his young niece.... I say him and his manager have been a bit on the naughty side with her if you get my meaning...... sick bastards. The end... now fuck off!!

Next weeks review from me is rocky 4.