Karate Kid

Reviewed by The Poisoned Dwarf

This film is about a wet nose kid, Daniel, who is the new kid in town and after he starts sniffing around one of the local tarts, who is already shagging a member of the Cobra’s karate school. He starts getting some grief, but what does he fucking expect? Anyhow Daniel manages to talk his way out of some fights at first but finally gets his arse kicked (justice served) by a group of the Cobra’s.
As Daniel the pussy is passing out from his just deserved beating he sees Miyagi (strange little china man), who is the caretaker at Daniels apartments and also happens to be a karate master. Miyagi leaps into action and kicks the shit out of the local Cobra lads.
After much bitch whining from Daniel, Miyagi agrees to teach the faggot to fight and enters him into a fight at a karate contest that the Cobra’s are in. When his training begins, Daniel can't understand Miyagi’s training, as he seems more interested in having Daniel paint fences and wax cars and generally being Miyagis bitch (these techniques are to prepare young Daniel-san for giving Miyagi the perfect bed bath!).
Daniel finally enters the competition and gets to the final, but not before getting a good kicking off the Cobra’s. All looks lost in the final when Daniel’s leg is fucked up, but then Miyagi does some whacked out shit and Daniel pulls off a victory with some fucked up fairy kick. (The one you probably mimicked when you were a kid!).
Daniel gets the trophy and the girl and Miyagi gets his bed bath and they all live happily ever after, BOLLOCKS!

This film is gash and only worth a viewing if you have fuck all else to do.