Towering Inferno

Reviewed by The Cobra

Let’s get one thing straight from the start. This film is the shit. It has awesome acting from an awesome cast. It has a superb storyline. Massive special effects. Everyone looks cool as fuck in 70’s porn shoes. In short it is the shit, pure and simple.

For any of you cocksuckers who haven’t already seen this film – fuck off and die. End of. For everyone else, here is a brief run down of the plot: some bloke with big fuckoff glasses builds the world’s biggest skyscraper, but the twat employs his spaz of a son-in-law to do the electrics. Cue the most spectacular fire since Michael Jackson last filmed a Pepsi advert. Who do they send for to put it out? None other than the hard-as-fuck-don’t-look-at-me-the-wrong-way-or-I’ll-fuckin-stab-out-your-eyes Steve McQueen. Does he do the business? Course he fucking does, he puts the fire out then goes home and shags Miss World.

The next hour and a half is as spectacular a roller coaster ride as you can get. Fires burning people’s skins off. Rat Bastard Fred Astaire trying to nail a fat old chick. Some more fat old bastards going up in smoke in the penthouse. A helicopter crashing and burning. Paul “Look at me I make salad dressing” pissy pants Newman mincing around trying to look cool but actually looking a twat. And in the end it all turns out ok.

In summary, this film is pure disaster porn. Go and fucking watch it.