War of the Worlds
The Swearing Film Critic

Ray (Tom 2ft Cruise) is an ordinary Joe fucking Bloggs car mechanic, crane operator and shit dad of two who live with their mom in Boston. As per there slutty mum has married again and is up the duff when she dumps the kids and heads off for a dirty week of bum hole sex. The kids fucking hate their dad and would rather play on the motorway.

Soon into the film, fuck off storms, followed by power failures, kills all mechanical devices. Panic then kicks as Massive Silver shiny cocks of Dion Dublin size erupt from the ground and start cock knocking everything. Once these tripods have been hooked up by some lightning, they attack everything that moves with their frickin laser beams.

The film follows Ray and the kids as they try and get away from these japs eye machines. It is one fucked journey and there is a bit when there resting up in a cellar, where a former ambulance driver (Tim Robbins) has holed up and he has gone in the head, Anyway this scene is pretty much the same as when the raptors are in the kitchen in Jurassic Park.

I could sit on my fat arse and slag the CGI and the effects. It would make me a twat if I do so. Spielberg has made a big cock and balls film that fucks the prom queen of doomsday scenarios riding bare back.