'King Kong' Reviewed by the swearing film critic

I said King Kongs balls not Ping Pong Balls.

It's over three fucking hours long. I mean really it’s over three fucking hours long. If it was free porn or free XXX, then fucking awesome but its not. Other people might fucking go on about what a brilliant fucking technical achievement it is but fuck that its three bastard hours long. Three hours that I am never gonna get back.

So called Movie man Carl Denham Jack (I’m a bigger fucking monkey than King Kong) Black takes a fit blonde bird Naomi Watts, Cock nosed twat face Adrien Brody and Boat full of dirty seamen, it to the unknown. It’s all very fucking scary.

It’s over an hour before we even see the bastard Monkey. Once they find Skull Island it just happens to be full of fucking dinosaurs, man-sized leeched and mongs. Then finally you get the “monkey” everyone else will go on about the CG for half a page “lardy fucking dar” I say. Oh and the biggest fucking monkey ever managed to get drugged up after two small bottles.

The big return to New York City, It’s all very big and very clever. King Kong goes mad and climbs a building. All this because he cannot shag his bird, someone could have told him early doors that it’s not going to work out. I don’t go round trying to shag a thimble, Think about you cock.

Don’t bother watching this shit.

Oh and some fucking retard in front of me leaving the cinema said, “I don’t think it would work if they made that film in Bolton” NO SHIT SHERLOCK.