The Longest Yard Reviewed by the swearing film critic

This is the American version of Mean Machine basically you replace football for American football. Bish Bash Bosh you the longest fucking yard. Big fucking shit anyway. Ex-American Football star-quarterback, Paul Crewe (Sandler plays the same character in every fucking film), hasn't had any credibility since he was banned from the sport for allegedly throwing a game. One night gets fucked up on the booze and nicks his bird’s (Courtney Cox who has massive tats in the film) car and starts a drunken police chase through the city streets fuck yeah.

He gets nicked and put down for 3 years. His presence there is due to the fuck faced warden needing a professional player to assist in coaching his semi-pro guards' team. Crewe's advice is to have a pre-season game against a team they're guaranteed to beat. The team is the inmates put together by Sandler.

The prison has some right shit inmates no fucking Ronny Barkers in this joint. Then comes the struggle of Crewe getting respect from the other inmates to get a shit team together and then build up to a fucking decent one. It’s all the usual bollocks. Then the film gets going as each fucking sociopath puts there shit down on the pitch.

I bet you don’t guess the ending it’s not predictable at fucking all. Oh and Mr Deuce Bigalow pops he ugly little fucking head up out of the crowd and flops out his best line “ you can do it “.

If you are going to go see this film take some chocolate raisins and fucking enjoy them. More people need to start eating chocolate raisins fuck pop corn, fuck hot dogs, fuck crisps there all dog shit compared to the mighty chocolate raisin.