Green Street Reviewed by The Swearing Film Critic

First things first, if you want to watch a football hooligan film go watch ID and fucking deal with it.

Set in the “world” of football hooliganism, Elijah Wood (Fucking cock nosed pixie) is a former journalism student who joins West Ham's 'firm' and runs riot with his newfound mates in London's East End. Based upon West Ham FC's own unofficial gang of Spunk Monkeys known as the Green Street Elite (GSE), the film tells of how disgraced Harvard student Matt Buckner (Wood) gets sucked into a world of violence.

Arriving in England, Matt is introduced to the gang by his brother-in-law's younger sibling, Pete (a history teacher – Fag) now the self-styled leader of the GSE. While Matt's sister Shannon (I Would deal with it all night long) is appalled that her brother has become a member of his own personal Fight Club, her husband Steve suffers divided loyalties between his wife and his tearaway brother. As the film progresses, the once-great GSE - on the decline since the departure of their mysterious leader The Major - experience a renaissance after the fucking fanny. Matt joins and discovers he has a taste for blood. Expelled from Harvard for drug dealing he took the rap for his rich roommate (that needs inviting to a blanket party the cunt). Matt has a lot of pent-up anger as he did not have the balls to kick the twats face in. Meanwhile, West Ham -v- Millwall in the FA Cup, meaning a head-on collision between two of the league's hardest firms. Led by the fucked up Tommy Hatcher, scarred by the loss of his own son during a clash years before, the Millwall boys are out for revenge - not helped by the defection of greasy GSE member Bovver. Just in case you don't quite get the main theme, Pete handily sums it up: "We stuck by our mates and stood our ground. That's what it's all about."

Right here what’s wrong the so called fucking leader of this bunch of cockney twats does not even have a cockney accent, the fight scene’s are shit, there is to much talk of blowing bubbles (Wacko Jacko’s Monkey) and who in their right fucking mind cast Elijah Wood for this role.

This film has been branded dog shit by me. Instead of watching this film stay home slip on your smoking jacket and listen to a bit of Kenny G.