BIG JOHN'S TAKWAWAY

By Rabid Dog

Not a fucking first, but a rare thing is about to happen on theswearingcritic!
That's right, a fucking posotive review! Here's goes....

Picture the scene, it's 1pm on a Saturday afternoon, you've had a good drive down to Birmingham from Manchester, you're think your about to watch your football team get twatted again away. You fancy a quick feed in Birmingham where do you go? McDonalds... NO! KFC... NO... Burger King... NO. Kebab?... No. Curry House... NO!

You go to a "magical" place that does all these things under one roof!, No, not Toys'r'us you fool! Well where you aks? BIG JOHNS! thats fucking where!. I shit you not, this place does every fucking type of food under the sun and has a fucking drive thru. Me and my chum Nic, pulled in to the welcoming car park at around 1 bells, we were as hungry as Vanessa Feltz after she's had a shit. Pretty Damn Hungry then.

I stroll inside the building to see a ton of people waiting for there chosen tasty delights.... and what delights they were! There were about 50 staff like busy bee's ensuring you didn't have to wait long. Fucking Triple decker burgers, tasty SF Chicken, Cod and Chips, Lamb curries, chicken Curries, Chicken Kebabs, Lamb Kebabs, Pieces of Steak. Pies, Pasties, Full Chicken Piri Piri!, Pizzas (not just any pizza you fuck wits... a 20" pizza") YES a 20" pizza. Big Johns does a pizza as big as my cock! Unbelievable! all this freshly made in front of your very eyes.

Genuinly, for a greedy fucker like myself, it gets no better than this. I've eaten at some of the finest Michelin Starred restraunts in the world, Gordon Ramsays at Claridges, Le Gavroche in Mayfair... I've done it all. Big John's destroys the opposition. I opted for the Full Peri Peri Chicken with a massive portion of chips, A couple of Meat Samosa's and a 2 litre bottle of coke. How much do you think this cost me, you brain dead bastards!....£15? Nope.... £10? Nope. Surley no cheaper?... well fuck me backwards! 5... FIVE... yes, FIVE POUNDS! I questioned the lady on the till that I'd be undercharged by a large ammount, she read my order back to me and said FIVE POUNDS! DONE!

So for a fiver you're thinking, "it must of tasted really shit!" that's what I thought before I tucked in! Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelisous! first class feed. Couldn't of asked for more. My pal Nic had Cod and Chips and a large coke. How much! Well if he hadn't of had the drink, it was about £1.70! He ended up paying £2.50 in the end all in. The fish was huge and he couldn't finish his chips. God Bless you Big Bohn.
20" pizza for £9.99... Done. Donner meat and Chips for £0.99p.... Done. Cod and chips on a Friday... £0.99p DONE!!!!

McDonalds, KFC, Ramsays and every place on the planet that serves food can fucking close down, all we need in EVERY city of this country is a Big John's! FACT. It's number 1 in my eyes. Stick Hardens and the Michelin guide up your arse, Big John's twats the lot. Now fuck you.

PS. My team won as well. So fuck you!

Mr. R. Dog