Indiana Jones And The Dogshit Skull
By Rabid Dog

I've seen some pretty shit films over the years, I mean REALLY shit, some have almost been unwatchable to the point of wanting to kill myself in the cinema. These include Seven Years In Tibet, The Blair Witch Project, Catwomen, Batman & Robin, superman 4, Jaws 4, Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow etc etc. You get the picture. Let me just say that my previous review of Sex and City was a big thumbs down, BIG thumbs down! I hated the shit... BUT, I'd rather watch Sex and the City 1,000,000 times thats right 1 MILLION FUCKING TIMES than watch Indian Jones and the crystal skull one more time.

My blood is actually boiling while I type this! I cannot put into words how bad this fucker is, I know I've said this before but I REALLY genuinely mean it now, maybe I've been a little harsh in the past?? maybe not? but this time I'm bang on the money and if any cunt argues with me on this I'll fucking cripple them!

Every scene in this piece of shit was a mess! Harrison Ford is so old he can't even stand up straight in numerous scenes. I can't give the plot away, why you wonder? 'CAUSE THERE IS NO FUCKING PLOT! Cate Blanchett is an absolute reck and her Russian is as convincing as mine after 70 pints.

Everything is shockingly bad, forget what you have seen in the previous installments of this franchise, George Lucas and his old pal Steven Spielcunt have fucked us all up the arse with a huge bollard by doing this shit. Some lad who starred in the transformer film, Shia Letwatt whatever he is called... his acting, well, lets just say is more wooden than Sherwood Forest. Our hero Indy survives a nuclear bomb by hiding in a fucking fridge!, gets rescued by clinging onto a green rubber snake and basically pulls of moves more unrealistic than the fucking Matrix Reloaded.

The only way to explain the end of this "tramps pile of sick" film, is that some crystal skull gets ploncked on a skeleton and then it turns into an alien for no reason at all.. NO REASON! some flying saucer appears, makes a big hole in the ground and then fucks off... with Indy, his hag mrs and his "son" and waving the cunts off... it's the most pointless film I've ever seen in the history of movies EVER. Having my dick chopped off, fried up in piss and garlic by a chinese restaurant, then served up to me on a bed of fried frice would have been more enjoyable and had more of a point to it than this sack of shit. There are MANY other thing wrong with this film but I can't be arsed. I'm close to tears at having to remember how bad it was. Oh yeah, the CGI looks like it was programmed on a fucking ZX Spectrum.

The whole world should be wiped out, so nobody ever has to see this turd again.

As Gordon Ramsay would say... DONE!! Now fuck off.

Rabid Dog.