Sex And "The Fucking" City
By Rabid Dog

Fucking old hag cunts!! I can't think of any other way to start this review. It been a long time since this page was updated, it was going to take something special to bring the Rabid Dog out of retirement, I mean something so fucking bad that I wished I was dead beyond belief.... well its happened.... sex and the city happened to be precise.

This bastard of a film has been tossed in my face everywhere I look for the past 2 cunting months, I'd drive to work and see the bastard on billboards, on the side of phone boxes, even plastered all over black cabs. I'd get home for a rest up and put the tele on... you guessed it!! Advert after fucking advert for sex and the city coming to a cinema near you on the 28th May, what do I think... "Thank fuck I don’t have to see that! Looks a load of shit!!"

WRONG! Picture it now, your sat at home minding your own business watching some shit on SKY Sports with a cold can of coke and a slice of pepperoni pizza in your mitts (life is good until.....), your girlfriend wanders in and see's the advert for sex in the city on tele, you are then told "I really love that!! I've seen every episode when it used to be on! were going to see that!! I can't wait".... I felt like my heart had been fucking ripped from my bastard chest and stamped on by a sumo wrestler.

I protested that I hadn't ever seen any of the shit on tele years ago and it would be a waste of time me going. Anyway to cut a long story short I ended up booking some fancy fucking seats at the printworks costing 30 quid in total... my thought on this was if im going to get cocked over for a piece of shit that’s over 2 hours long I may as well be comfortable and have a beer in the cinema.

So Im sat in the "lounge area" having some nachos and popcorn waiting for the misery to begin, well it starts earlier than I expected.. 4 girls/slags wander into the lounge area "thinking" there like the hags from the film, you could hear them banging on "oooh your like Kim Cattrall character in real life and oooh your like Sarah Jessica Parkers, ahhh you dress like Kristen Davis blah blah blah!!"... ok, first of all... all these hags in the film are pretty loaded with big paying jobs, wearing the latest designer clothes and expensive handbags, They live in big fancy fucking New York apartments and fancy dan houses in LA, drive big fuck off Mercs and BMW's etc.... these slags in the cinema live in council houses in Longsight, buy there clothes from Asda George and Mark One, work as part time cleaners in Ladbrokes and can't drive cause there too fucking stupid. The only reason they are sat in the expensive part of the cinema is because the government fucked up there Giro this week and over paid them child benefits for one of there 17 kids. They must have fannies like a ripped out fire place.

Anyway onto the film... I'll be brief! there aint much to tell! Sarah Jessica Parker "carrie" (who is fucking hideous looking.... think of Rocky's face after 15 rounds with Drago and you'll get the picture!!) is getting married someone called Mr Big, he gets cold feet and fucks it off (wise choice) all of her whore friends cheer her up by shagging people, shitting themselves (I kid you not) and breaking up with there partners as well.... 2 hours 15 minutes later after many fashion montages and tears all ends well and they eventually get married. The end!!

They could have done the film in under 90 minutes but cocked me over big time. PS Kim Cattrall is best remembered from hit films like "Porky's" and "Police Academy" not shit like this. There’s some Ginger beast in the film and somebody else who likes running and shits herself. They all look really terrible, Face set on fire and put out with an axe type of terrible. The type of girl you see around Ancoats in Manchester.

It was a bad night for me, I hope I have gained your fucking sympathy after my ordeal. Now fuck off and die.

R. Dog.

****BREAKING NEWS**** Things couldn't any worse than sex and the city right!! WRONG! I've seen the new Indiana Jones Film!! Watch this twatting Space!