Gravity
By Rabid Dog
It's been OVER 3 long fucking years since my last post. So you know this is serious shit when the dog makes a return. My review today you ask? GRAVITY, the hit 3D film starring washed up Aids victim George Clooney and Sandra “I should stick to rom-coms” Bullock. So the cast is a bag of shite....
Where to start? Well, first of all I went to see this flea bitten wank stained film with 2 compatriots. One of them booked the tickets for the IMAX screen, now to say we had the worst fucking seats in the cinema would be an understatement, I could of been sat on the cinema managers rancid cock in the toilet from Trainspotting and the seat would of been better than what I had! Does this make “rat boy” a cunt? Yes, yes it does. On a side note, our driver for the evening “the Cobra” did the business with the parking and getting us to the cinema in style.... the only plus of the evening.
Now I’ve never been to an IMAX cinema screening before, so it was a new experience for me. An unpleasant one at that, the screen was goldfish bowled and the picture was darker than a tramps teeth.
On to the film, I’ll try and keep it brief as its UTTER dogshit, the script is weaker than Stephen Hawkins legs and more limp than Pele's dick. Bullock is some Doctor doing some shit in space, Clooney is the seasoned space veteran and there is some other bloke at the start of the film who sounds like he’d make a good Rogan Josh "in it"!.
Houston warns our hero’s in space, that the Russians (yep its always the fucking Russians) have shot down one of their own satellites creating a bit debris in space. The next message is to abort the mission and get home quick time, why you may ask? well this one satellite has managed to smash up 10 billion more satellites and created a bit of a mess, knocking out all communications, GPS, mobile phones etc etc.... James bond films have more realistic plots! Anyway, curry man gets his face smashed in from the speeding debris, Bullock and Clooney somehow escape the billion pieces. Anyway moving on, the shuttle is fucked, Bullock is running out of oxygen blah blah, they have to make to the international space station, which by chance is only 10 minutes away! Would you fucking believe it! what a stroke of good luck! Anyway Clooney cuts himself loose from Bullock so she can survive as he’s pulling her away or some crap.... hang on, this is space, couldn’t she just gently tug him towards her and he float over? Nope! Its Hollywood, can’t fucking do that!
Turns out the International space station is fucked as well, shock horror! Big fire randomly breaks out as it does, bullock saves the day and escapes in some small shuttle of some kind after surviving another billion pieces of shrapnel in space, BUT hang on! it's no fuel! not a drop..... oh dear! those pesky Russians must have syphoned the tank!. Fuck me! Its utter bollocks! Moving on to the final part of the film.... it just so happens that there is ANOTHER mother fucking space station less than 100km away, that’s run by the Chinese!, these space stations more frequent than MOTO service stations on the M6! anyway if she can make it to that, then she can go home safely back to bastard earth in there pod.... as Clooney pointed out to her early in the film, don't worry about it being Chinese, it’s the EXACT same procedure and exact same pod as the Americans would make, so no issues for her, piece of piss, have a look at some pretty pictures in a manual and off you pop by using "Eenie meeney minnie mo" to select the exact button you need to launch... just in time.What a stroke of fucking luck eh... wait for it though, before guessing the correct button, she has a "howling dog" competition with a Chinese man over the AM frequency radio.... I shit you not!But hey, she's had "6 months" training, those boys at NASA are good!
After a lot of bitching and crying etc about her daughter, she makes it back to earth... the end. Absolute sack of shit! The plot for this film was more ludicrous than Mega Shark Vs Mega Octopus. Anyone who rates this film as even average is fucking retarded, and must of seen a lot of shit over the years!!!. Some people applauded in the cinema at the end of the film, the same people then got on the Sunshine bus home. I was genuinely shocked to hear Rat Boy and Cobra rate the film, 3 and 4 stars respectively. Fuck them, there a pair of mincing twats in my eyes now. I can only assume they were pissed up, on drugs or VERY easily pleased... either way, they are cunts who should be ashamed. Silly twats.
To sum it up..... and this is hard for me to say!. I’d rather watch "Sex in the city 2" on repeat for a month than ever watch that shit again, that's how bad it is. Stick 3D up your gash and stick Imax up your arse!
I'm going to remake this film with my 2 year old daughter, I'll dress her up in a NASA suit at night time, spin my camera around for 90 minutes, get her to talk about peppa pig for a bit and send it to Warner Bros. It would be more realistic than this over hyped corny shite,
Fuck off
R.Dog
R. dog
It's been OVER 3 long fucking years since my last post. So you know this is serious shit when the dog makes a return. My review today you ask? GRAVITY, the hit 3D film starring washed up Aids victim George Clooney and Sandra “I should stick to rom-coms” Bullock. So the cast is a bag of shite....
Where to start? Well, first of all I went to see this flea bitten wank stained film with 2 compatriots. One of them booked the tickets for the IMAX screen, now to say we had the worst fucking seats in the cinema would be an understatement, I could of been sat on the cinema managers rancid cock in the toilet from Trainspotting and the seat would of been better than what I had! Does this make “rat boy” a cunt? Yes, yes it does. On a side note, our driver for the evening “the Cobra” did the business with the parking and getting us to the cinema in style.... the only plus of the evening.
Now I’ve never been to an IMAX cinema screening before, so it was a new experience for me. An unpleasant one at that, the screen was goldfish bowled and the picture was darker than a tramps teeth.
On to the film, I’ll try and keep it brief as its UTTER dogshit, the script is weaker than Stephen Hawkins legs and more limp than Pele's dick. Bullock is some Doctor doing some shit in space, Clooney is the seasoned space veteran and there is some other bloke at the start of the film who sounds like he’d make a good Rogan Josh "in it"!.
Houston warns our hero’s in space, that the Russians (yep its always the fucking Russians) have shot down one of their own satellites creating a bit debris in space. The next message is to abort the mission and get home quick time, why you may ask? well this one satellite has managed to smash up 10 billion more satellites and created a bit of a mess, knocking out all communications, GPS, mobile phones etc etc.... James bond films have more realistic plots! Anyway, curry man gets his face smashed in from the speeding debris, Bullock and Clooney somehow escape the billion pieces. Anyway moving on, the shuttle is fucked, Bullock is running out of oxygen blah blah, they have to make to the international space station, which by chance is only 10 minutes away! Would you fucking believe it! what a stroke of good luck! Anyway Clooney cuts himself loose from Bullock so she can survive as he’s pulling her away or some crap.... hang on, this is space, couldn’t she just gently tug him towards her and he float over? Nope! Its Hollywood, can’t fucking do that!
Turns out the International space station is fucked as well, shock horror! Big fire randomly breaks out as it does, bullock saves the day and escapes in some small shuttle of some kind after surviving another billion pieces of shrapnel in space, BUT hang on! it's no fuel! not a drop..... oh dear! those pesky Russians must have syphoned the tank!. Fuck me! Its utter bollocks! Moving on to the final part of the film.... it just so happens that there is ANOTHER mother fucking space station less than 100km away, that’s run by the Chinese!, these space stations more frequent than MOTO service stations on the M6! anyway if she can make it to that, then she can go home safely back to bastard earth in there pod.... as Clooney pointed out to her early in the film, don't worry about it being Chinese, it’s the EXACT same procedure and exact same pod as the Americans would make, so no issues for her, piece of piss, have a look at some pretty pictures in a manual and off you pop by using "Eenie meeney minnie mo" to select the exact button you need to launch... just in time.What a stroke of fucking luck eh... wait for it though, before guessing the correct button, she has a "howling dog" competition with a Chinese man over the AM frequency radio.... I shit you not!But hey, she's had "6 months" training, those boys at NASA are good!
After a lot of bitching and crying etc about her daughter, she makes it back to earth... the end. Absolute sack of shit! The plot for this film was more ludicrous than Mega Shark Vs Mega Octopus. Anyone who rates this film as even average is fucking retarded, and must of seen a lot of shit over the years!!!. Some people applauded in the cinema at the end of the film, the same people then got on the Sunshine bus home. I was genuinely shocked to hear Rat Boy and Cobra rate the film, 3 and 4 stars respectively. Fuck them, there a pair of mincing twats in my eyes now. I can only assume they were pissed up, on drugs or VERY easily pleased... either way, they are cunts who should be ashamed. Silly twats.
To sum it up..... and this is hard for me to say!. I’d rather watch "Sex in the city 2" on repeat for a month than ever watch that shit again, that's how bad it is. Stick 3D up your gash and stick Imax up your arse!
I'm going to remake this film with my 2 year old daughter, I'll dress her up in a NASA suit at night time, spin my camera around for 90 minutes, get her to talk about peppa pig for a bit and send it to Warner Bros. It would be more realistic than this over hyped corny shite,
Fuck off
R.Dog
R. dog
posted by Rabid Dog @ 11:37 am
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home